"Boys are found everywhere—on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair
and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket."
Author: Alan Beck

Monday, April 11, 2011

Farming in the Suburbs.

Despite the fact that we live in smack dab in the middle of Highlands Ranch (a place that was once a real working ranch, but now takes the shape of a large city with a Walgreen's on every corner) I am bound and determined to live my farm dream to the fullest....until we can afford to break out of here.

Farm life or bust.

Have I told you about our chickens?  Last week we received the long-awaited call from the post office that our baby chicks had arrived, and were ready for pick up.  Fast as I could, I raced to retrieve them.  Logan held the 'peeping' box on his lap for the car ride home.  Sadly, only 3 out of 4 made the stressful trip from the hatchery in Texas, to our ranch in the suburbs.  Try as he might, Logan did his best to revive the fluffy (but stiff) chick who lay in the box. 

WARNING-It gets worse....

Over the next three hours, the 3 remaining chicks also died.  Medicine droppers of warm water, heat lamps, electrolytes (think chicky Gatorade), and hand feeding wasn't enough.  We tearfully told them 'goodbye' and added ordering livestock through the USPS to our list of things we shall never do again.

Friday night we did things the old fashioned way and traveled 45 minutes from our home to a real-life farm and feed store in Elizabeth, CO.  The 4 oldest boys each took their time and picked their own day-old chicks straight from the brooder.  We are happy to report that we are now proud owners of 4 little pullets who will one day (roughly 4 months from now) supply us with yummy, organic eggs.
Shifting gears now.....

What is it with the 'stick figure' decals/stickers EVERYONE IN AMERICA is plastering all over their cars?  Am I the only one who thinks they are ridiculous?  Here's what pushed me over the edge - driving behind a woman the other day who had 8 stick figure cats stuck to her back window.  Apparently, she wants the world to know that she's the proud owner of 8 cats.  Are you kidding me?  Why not just print a bumper sticker that reads My house is full of fur and reeks of cat urine!...???

I'll take a chance at making an educated guess and say that 75% of the population could give a rip if your son is a hockey player, your daughter is a ballerina, you are a PTA mom, your husband carries a briefcase, and you own 2 dogs and one turtle.  Your perfect stick figure family portrait is nauseating.

Maybe I'm just jealous that I have yet to find stick figure family stickers that honestly represent my family.  Here's what I would need -

*Two stick figure boys completely tangled by a brotherly brawl.  The big brother is performing his best wrestling move, while the little brother repeatedly whips him with a stuffed bunny.
*One stick figure boy who only wears underwear
*Make that TWO stick figure boys in their undies, hiding under the kitchen table with the chocolate they just stole from the pantry.
*One stick figure boy who is chewing 14 pieces of gum while coloring on my walls (and his face) with a Sharpie.
*One overworked, underpaid & exhausted husband.
*One apron-wearing mom who has 'dream clouds' above her head that hold a farm house, a barn & a picket fence.  She's got a toilet plunger in one hand (she plunges multiple times a day) and a glass of wine in the other....extra emphasis must be placed on the bags under her eyes.
*One parrot
*One fish
*One bearded dragon
*Two dogs who eat their own poo
*Four chickens

There you have it.  My perfect stick figure family.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a toilet to plunge.

1 comment:

  1. Simply put...Brilliant post! Like a great story, I don't want it to end. Seriously strong writing...monetize this blog!!!