"Boys are found everywhere—on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them and Heaven protects them. A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair
and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket."
Author: Alan Beck

Monday, November 7, 2011

Should I Be Selfish?

(This post is dedicated to Angie, who may be the only faithful reader I have.  Thanks, Ang.)

My husband will be the first to tell you that I have a really, really, REALLY hard time saying no when it comes to the boys. To me, there are two kinds of no. The first, is when your kids are being bratty, rude, mean, disrespectful, or unruly. I'm actually good at that kind of no. In fact, I think I'm even better at that kind of no than hubby is. 

Just don't tell him I said so.

The type of no I struggle with, involves giving the boys anything and everything I own. My iphone, the food on my plate, the tea I just sat down to enjoy....the list is endless.  At the drop of a hat, what was once mine, has quickly become theirs. The thing I miss most?

My bed.

Imagine being sound asleep, and having an adorable little boy crawl into bed with you and begin to snuggle.  They get right up close, and press their tiny feet onto your legs.  They sigh a deep sigh, for they are now safe and warm.  You look at their precious face, and wonder how you ever got so lucky.  You cover them up and snuggle back. It's bliss.

It's bliss that lasts 5 minutes.

The next several hours until daylight are seldom restful or enjoyable. 

I've been slapped
and kneed.

I've been bloodied and bruised, and occasionally, I get peed on. 

There is one boy in particular, that comes to my bed at 11:30 every night.  He's sweet as sugar as he settles in, but once he falls back into a slumber, he quickly turns into Chuck Norris and the abuse begins.  Last night, he elbowed me in the back of the head three times.  "Logan!" I said.  "What are you doing to Mommy?"

"I have to hurt you." he replied.  "You tattled on me."  And then he rolled over.

In the past week, I've resorted to sleeping on the floor, and have even gone in search of the many empty beds that lie unclaimed in the boys' rooms.  I take what I can get.

But I feel like I can finally take no more.  I'm tired.  I'm achy.  I'm grouchy. 

You see, if hubby had it his way, he'd march them back to their beds each and every time they tried to claim territory on ours.  However, hubby could sleep through a cyclone, and is rarely aware of our midnight visitors.  That leaves the dirty work up to me.  What am I supposed to do?  Stop them at bedside and 'tattle' to their father, who will scoop them up and return them where they came from?  In my mind, I can see their sad, watery eyes staring back at me as he carried them out of our room.

I'm not built to withstand that type of image.  And if I can't even picture what it would be like, I'm surely not strong enough to make it a reality.

Which is why I feel as though I have no choice, but to continue being the punching bag for my boys, and the bad dreams they bring with them.  I'd rather be hurt, than hurt them. 

So if you text or call me, and I don't answer for a few days....or weeks, my boys must have my phone.

And if you ladies have been searching for my favorite beauty product (Well-Rested Eye Concealer), and you can't seem to find it, I apologize.  I must have bought the last one.

This mom is far from well-rested. 

If you're reading this, and you've proudly reclaimed your bed, do me a solid and tell me how you did it.



  1. Amy, first off let me say that you are hilarious and I love reading your blog posts! My kids are not allowed to sleep in my bed unless they are super sick, have just recently been born, or for some reason I don't know they are there (which is nearly impossible because they beat me up too!). But I cannot give you magical advice, as it seems you already have the answers! Don't tell Derek, but he is right, you just have to pick them up and go put them back! I typically smack Josh awake (because he does not know they are there either) and tell him to do it...and then we go back to sleep. After a while they will stop coming in at all on a regular basis. The tears and tantrums may come at first, but eventually sleep will come! Lack of sleep can seriously mess with a person (as a mom you already know this), so you just gotta do it for your sanity!

  2. Have you tried trying to make it as hard for them to share your bed as it is for you? Pretend your having a crazy dream and let the hay-makers fly while yelling some incoherent babble, like "I must defeat the king of playdough, and return cottage cheese land back to its wrongful owner, king turd. Out of my way sheep"! Bet they go back to their own beds after a couple of nights.

    Another alternative is the Dutch Oven.

  3. Oh my goodness!!! That's so funny! My godson wouldn't do that to his mommy would he? You poor thing,... Does Derek not see you sleeping on the floor? I can't believe that you've resorted to the floor... My poor sister!!
    Dec, I worry about you sometimes....
    I did enjoy reading this one!!
    Love you

  4. think of it like this - Your job as a mom is to love and protect them and you cant do that when you are sleeping in your coffee. You need to be alert and happy to be a good mommy and if that means that they have to learn to sleep in their own beds (and btw they WILL learn to find comfort there if they stay there long enough) and not to mention i doubt you can have much romantic interaction if they are there all the time (which is JUST as important as sleep for your marriage) let your husband be the bad guy and enjoy him when he returns from putting those kids back in their beds! ;) all for the kids lol

  5. Woo hoooo! I got a shout-out! You bet I'm a faithful reader!

    I have no advice, because I could've written this post. Funny as it may seem, out of my four kids, it's my one BOY who comes in every night (morning!) at 3:30 and snuggles in right next to me just as you described. (That sigh! Yes. You nailed it.) The thing is, I give him a good 5-10 minutes and then carry his sleepy little body back to bed. Does my hubby ever wake up? Ohhhhh no. He'll wake up the next morning and say, "Wow! All the kids slept through the night, so THAT'S great, huh?!"

    But the floor? Really? No. If they MUST come into your room to sleep, let THEM sleep on the floor. Could you bribe them? If they stay in their own rooms all night they get... a.... puppy? Ha ha... talk about getting no sleep.

    And about that eye cream - OH MY GOODNESS. It's like my life flashed before my eyes and I suddenly remembered that you asked me about that a while back. Crud. I'll get right on that. Tomorrow. ;) As it is, I'm only up because a kid woke me up and I couldn't fall back asleep. And so now I'm leaving a novel length comment on your blog. It might be that I'm lacking adult interaction. ;)

    P.S. If I could "like" a comment, I'd "like" Declan's up there. Funny. :)

  6. We resorted to bribery. :) If they stayed in their bed all night they got a 'treat' the next morning. After a while it took 3 nights in a row for them to earn their treat. Now it's a habit...no treat required! :) There is an occasional stowaway who sneaks in on Daddy's side of the bed (they know who the bigger softy is in this house;), but since it's infrequent it doesn't bother us enough to do anything about it. :)